Motherhood can be lonely and isolating. There can be days filled with just you and the kids – playing their games, talking about their things, watching their shows and more.
You don’t choose for it to be lonely. Sometimes, you’re just too busy to catch up with friends for lunch or you don’t have the energy to pack all the kids in the car and drive somewhere. Sometimes, your kids haven’t had a good night’s sleep and are cranky as hell. And that’s perfectly ok.
But then sometimes, you will get sick of only talking about Peppa Pig or the Wiggles. And that’s perfectly ok too.
Adult friendships are so important and beneficial but they also change a lot once you have kids. You may even find that some friends do a disappearing act. This is why sometimes, it’s easier to make new friends who are fellow mums. They understand when you’re running late, have to cut a catch up short or organise a catch up around nap time.
Making friends as adults is so different to making them when you were young kids. There’s a lot of adult baggage, fear and uncertainty that comes with trying to make new friends. But it can be done and it doesn’t have to be awkward.
So here’s a guide to making new adult friends after having kids 🙂
- Where to find them?
If you don’t go to mother’s groups (I never did and that’s ok), it’s easy to find other mums at kindergym, Facebook groups, ballet or sports classes. I’m a part of several Facebook groups that are for female entrepreneurs and I’ve made a few good friends from there and not all of them a mothers! I also meet people at Pilates, classes and events.
- What do I talk about?
My trick is to ask them questions about themselves. Everyone likes to talk about their life, interests and hobbies. Once you get them talking about what they like, you can see if you have anything in common and go from there.
- How do I approach them? How do I start a conversation?
I generally find that compliments (genuine compliments!) are a great conversation starter. Who doesn’t like to be complimented?
So not in a sleazy way ok? Hahaha! So don’t say ‘I like how your pants make your butt look good.’
But pick something that you like – their hair, clothing, shoes, hand bag, what their kids are wearing anything that you both can see and compliment them and ask where they got it from and see where that goes.
How do I stay in contact?
Getting someone’s phone number is hard. It’s a big step and people (including myself) hold their numbers very close to their hearts. This is why social media is great and handy! I just connect with them on Facebook and we can message and find out a bit more about their lives from their page. Side note: remember that a lot of people only post the best version of their life on social media so don’t judge someone based on their social media posts.
- Who do I make friends with?
Anyone who makes you happy! You can usually tell almost immediately who you’ll get along with after talking for a few minutes.
If they’re nice, happy to chat and are open to talking about their lives with you, that’s a great start!
If they’re closed off, give one word answers and moves away, maybe not the one. Or perhaps they’re feeling afraid and insecure – trust is important to build too.
- Why should I make new friends?
Because it’s so important to have a great, reliable support network around you. Friendships change, you change, life changes so it’s important to have friends that can help you navigate through those changes.
Those are some of the things I do but in saying that, it’s very easy for me to talk to people and I realise that it can be quite hard for others.
All you need to do is try talking to one new person and see how that goes.
You deserve to be supported, loved and heard.